(...) It is impossible to adjust to the death. Soldiers, doctors and entrepreneurs funeral audience without interruption, and I get used to some of its aspects, but not its essence. I do not think that anyone could. For me to receive news about the death of a loved one is like way down the well-known, but lost in the dark stairs. They walked a million times and you know how many degrees before you, but if you want to stand in the next, it turns out that it is not. Stumble and you can not believe it. I from now on you will often stumble in there, because, like all the things to which you are used, this missing degree has become a part of you (...)
Jonathan Carroll - Voice of our shadow
When we landed a few days ago in Munich, automatically reached for a cell to call him and say that they already are. Second later I realized that flew in here for his funeral ...
I know I'll get on those stairs still very often stumble ...
message reached us quickly, soon after my birthday. It all happened in a completely different dimensions. We, on the volcanic island, a surprise birthday gift, to renew oaths years ago. Confirmation of what for us is obvious, but so important, because it is still not a free choice of continuation, or habit. Beginning a new life in this wise: "If we could start all over again ... we would do the same."
He, in his second home, a few steps from Hollywood, because the movie was not only his passion, work, addiction - was his life. During dinner with his wife, daughter and friends changed the scenario a few seconds of your life.
Finally, and without compromise.
Next day were ineffectual attempt to recover from the shock. Reject all thoughts on this subject, because I was not able to their pigeonhole. It was not difficult, because everything was going out of my reach, tried to avoid the press, news ... I returned home ...
I was away in the literal and figurative sense. After that weekend, which brought a few other sad events. Again, subconsciously I have avoided a confrontation with reality.
back to her came in Monday, suddenly and unexpectedly. Paralyzed me, but my mind with redoubled force and ruthlessly transforming the entire magnitude of what happened.
When was the last time, and as usual telefonowalismy I was not able to say when we will be able to meet all together, because I still somewhere, "We passed over the Atlantic," replied with his typical arrogance that I loved, that one day in August doigram and revenge for it, producing a film about me.
About Bernie, do not do that! There, in the movie Heaven Devil will not find any for this role and even those at the top will be shocked and I'm sure nothing will understand ...
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